Thursday, April 29, 2010

What she said:

about Sandra Bullock's adoption.

And also, how on God's Green Earth did Jesse James (who has been *photographed* performing a Nazi salute in a Nazi hat with Faux Hitler mustache, apparently has a collection of Nazi paraphernalia and cheated one his wife with an openly white supremacist pornish star) get approved to adopt ANY baby, let alone an African American baby?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Hmmm... perhaps I am less conflicted than I initially thought

Today I checked the online offender registry to see if Brooklyn's mom was still in jail. Her status has been changed to "transferred." Now I'm not certain what that means - transfer here, pending parole, transfer elsewhere following a hearing... I don't know. But what I do know is that when I read it a tiny part of me (much to my dismay) recoiled. I think I'm beginning to get used to the idea of her staying around here in the long term. And that scares the hell out of me.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Primal Wound or Brain Trauma... and does it matter?

Not surprisingly, PB and I have found our foster care training classes both more enjoyable and more beneficial since we actually got to start choosing them instead of just taking the required introductory classes which often covered topics (like dealing with teenagers, and parenting sexually abused children) that we aren't currently dealing with.

Today we took a class about helping children develop social skills. The instructor talked a lot about the impact of trauma on the brain, particularly on the developing brain. I found it very easy to believe that an infant's brain chemistry could be altered by profound abuse and neglect, by in utero exposure to alcohol, or by the trauma of being removed from his or her biological mother.

Why then was it hard for me to process The Primal Wound? Why does it make MORE sense to me to believe that a child's brain structure could be significantly altered by this separation as opposed to believing the separation causes an existential identity crisis (if I'm describing the Primal Wound correctly)?

I think it has to do with my own background and familiarity. I can easily understand how trauma could impact the brain and how those impacts might be long lasting. It makes particular sense if you think of the stress reaction of an infant and how elevated levels of stress very early on could have a significant impact. Mostly, I think it's just interesting that until today I never considered adoptive trauma in this way.

I'm still processing what this might mean for me and mine, but this is how far I've made it since class this afternoon.

Monday, April 19, 2010

More from the mouths of (my) babes

"It's not perfect, mama" Lily's pronouncement on my new shirt (thanks!)

"I got you, Mama" Lucy, in response to me asking if she "got me" when I was talking to her about some random misdeed.

"Ellie saying dammit," Lily - just now, when they are supposed to be going to be bed (definition of a parenting fail).

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Damned MTV

I am totally addicted to these teen mom shows on MTV. Seriously. I keep watching the first days in the hospital and the instant bond between the moms and the babies and I worry for my girls. I hate that (especially Lily) missed out on that. She was alone for 9 days. And yeah, the nurses were nice and yeah, her physical needs were met, but a baby for nine days with no mom and dad? Hurts my heart to think of her like that.

Lucy's story is a bit different. We saw her 12 hours after she was born and one of us was there as constantly as the hospital would let us be. But still, her mom didn't hold her when she was born, because she wanted us to be the first to hold her. And even so, we weren't her parents, the ones who she knew without knowing.

In any event. I can't stop watching and just thinking about them, in the time before I knew them, in the time before I even knew Lily existed.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Things heard this weekend

I think I should change my blog title to something like "Random things my delightful children say." As that seems to be primarily what I'm writing about lately.

"Brooklyn took her shoes off. That's not cool, Papa." -- Lucy
"See the problem is, there is a lion in the living room. And I am going to throw my shoes at him." --Lily
"Pees. Gub You" -- Brooklyn (roughly translates to Please and Thank you)
"When I was a baby I lived with [Lily's firstmom's name]" --Lily (even though she didn't)

"Who is [cousin's kids] mama?"
"No. Who is [cousin's kids] OTHER mama?"
"[COUSIN]. He only has one mama."
--conversation between me and Lily

"Papa stays home with me now, Mama. When you going to stay home, too?" --Lily
"I love Brooklyn [Brooklyn's middle name] [Brooklyn's last name]" -- Lucy