Thursday, March 18, 2010

So about Brooklyn

**Warning could trigger foster parents who would love nothing more than to adopt their foster children. I know because I was there once.***

Mom is in jail. She will probably be in jail for some period of time. The c/w says the clock will not stop running, so she is still working with the same 15 months that kids in this age range have before filing for permanency. Normally, I would have mixed feelings about this, but truthfully? Her mom had dropped way out of the picture even before this happened. It's been almost 4 months since she's seen Brooklyn and she just went to jail about 3 weeks ago.

So, there's that.

Brooklyn is doing great. She seems to be getting along with the girls, and they're doing pretty well with her. In the short time that she's been here, she has become
a part of our family, no question. I just really wasn't ready to start talking about making that permanent this soon, which is what happened last week when her c/w came out. And again at her Semi-Annual Review last this week.

Insane. I would have died for this to happen on Lily's case, where it was (IMHO) just as deserved. Now I feel *so* badly not being as overjoyed this time. It's not about Brooklyn at all - it's about having 3 kids going to prom at the same time, and driving at the same time, and god forbid, going to college at the same time. Having 3 kids (especially girls!!) within 15 months seems like a recipe for insanity.

But she's here and we love her and I think that transitioning to someone else would be problematic for her. And that makes me think that we should just do it.

But then I think that EVERY kid should have people begging to get to keep them and be overjoyed that they're joining their family. I'm sure there are families right now who would be over the moon if Brooklyn was theirs. So are we doing her a disservice by adopting her when we're not *that* family?

I don't know. I think the short term right answer for everyone is to adopt her. I think the long term right answer for her is to adopt her. So maybe that's enough?
Luckily, we don't have to adopt now, but there definitely seems to be a certain... inevitability to the whole thing. We'll see.


HubeiMama said...

I vote yes. The logistics (prom, college, etc.) will work themselves out.

It sounds to me as if she's already part of your family. Inevitable. I like that. :)

Deborah said...

What a difficult position to be in. But I guess when you think about it, it's not that different from a parent of 2 young children who gets accidentally pregnant and isn't sure how she'll handle 3 so close in age, etc. I know it is a little different, I am just thinking that sometimes life hands you things, and they're not exactly what you planned, but you take what comes your way. I don't envy you the decision (although I'd love 3 little girls, myself).

JUST A MOM said...

DO NOT SET YOURSELF UP FOR UNCERTAIN... DONT' LOOK TOO FAR AHEAD!!!! enjoy that baby girl every day and KNOW EVERYDAY YOU LOVE HER... remember I have 3 one right after the other and hey now they are 20,19 and 18,,, ALL DOING GREAT!!!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD WE DECIDED TO KEEP THEM ALL!!!! I have taken a stand NOT to try and think TOO FAR AHEAD IN MY LIFE,,,, remember it can change in a HEART BEAT! enjoy every day... relax... DON'T BORROW TROUBLE/STRESS/PROBLEMS

MommyNay said...

We have four girls born between 4-03 and 12-05. Its already crazy and expensive...

You know what I *REALLY* think? I think we know in our heart what the right decision is...and still we let some outside(pressures whatever)come into play in our decision making. I don't think they should. If you feel that her being with you is truly where she belongs the rest will work out---if not then you are right there are tons of hopeful families waiting to adopt who will absolutely love and adore her.

Choosing not to adopt one of my(the cutest most adorable ever btw)foster daughters was the hardest decision of my life. I still wonder every time I see her picture and there is even a tiny part of me that regrets my decision---but then I look at the pictures of her with her parents who love her more than life itself and I see the relationship that they have with her birth family that I wouldn't have been able to have(for my own reasons) and I do really believe Bella is where she is supposed to be.