Friday, September 18, 2009

Update

Brooklyn is doing... OK. Not surprisingly she is having severe separation anxiety and seems to have imprinted on me. I don't know if it's because I picked her up from Intake or what. But if I am in the house and I leave her sight, the poor thing screams. I am holding her as much as humanly possible because I think she just needs the reassurance. Plus, I have to admit that it's secretly refreshing to have one of the kids in our house prefer me - Lucy and Lily are complete daddy's girls.

Her reaction is, I think, a combination of two factors. First, she is at a terrible age for placement. Being removed is traumatic at any age, but she is old enough to know she's been removed from everything that was familiar to her and not old enough to have any idea what's going on.

Second, I think she has some attachment issues. She relates to me as a classically insecurely attached infant would - she is very upset when I'm gone, and when I return she's actually angry with me - looks the other way and does not engage for a few seconds. She wants to be held, but not necessarily snuggled, if that makes sense, and what little I know about her case so far smacks of pretty extreme neglect, including incontrovertible physical evidence of this neglect that I've seen with my own eyes. Lest you think I not be approaching this case with an open mind, or putting too much faith in social workers :-)

We have our first visit with Brooklyn's mom tonight - our county is piloting a program with all kids 0 - 3 where visits start much more quickly and are organized at the intake level. Additionally, at the first visit, foster parents and bio parents actually... gasp... are introduced and exchange information about the child in care. Both of these are very, very good things and I am pleased to report that the c/w is also doing the supervision outside of normal business hours so PB and I don't have to take time off to be there.

2 comments:

FosterMommy said...

We had a 14 month old for less than a week, and I totally agree that it's the worst age to be separated from familiar people.

Do you have an Ergo or similar backpack carrier? She might like that - closeness, but not snuggling - and you could still do stuff without having to put her down.

I hope for the best for that little girl - and that permanency comes quickly and easily for her, wherever that may be.

and, wow, my ONE 2.5 year old is usually more than I can handle - you go girl!

J-momma said...

14 months is the age my mateo came to me. and yes, i agree, it's the worst possible age. so sad. i'm glad your county is recognizing the importance of foster parents and bio parents working as a team for the sake of the child. i think that's so important. and good luck to you. you have quite a handful!