Friday, February 27, 2009

lucy had a visitor!

This past Monday, Lucy's first dad saw her for the first time since the day they signed the TPR nearly a year ago. He was in town on business and asked to stop by.

It was a good visit - a bit awkward because it's been so long since we'd seen each other, but still good. The best part was that I think Lucy remembered him! As soon as he showed up she smiled and laughed, which is not something she typically does around people she doesn't spend a lot of time with. He said it must have been all of the prenatal bonding :-)

He stayed for about an hour and brought with him a Christmas gift that they didnt' want to mail - a little snow globe that plays "When you Wish Upon a Star" with an engraved part that says "We will always love you. - Firstmom and Firstdad." I think that could end up meaning a lot to her someday.

He said that Lucy's first mom is afraid to see her - she is in a fairly good place right now, according to first dad, sad but not regretful, and he says that it would be too hard to see Lucy. I told him that we wanted to follow her lead and if she ever decided she could see Lucy, we would love it. I am planning to send her a card next week with some new pics and reiterate the same to her.

I really hope that we can keep Lucy's adoption as open as possible. I sometimes worry about how she will feel when she gets old enough to realize that Lily still has a lot of contact with her biolocal relatives and that she doesn't. But then I also wonder what Lily will think when she learns about Lucy's first parents and the fact that they have been somewhat open with us, while her own have largely ceased contact. 

And ultimately, I can't control any of that, obviously. We are starting to talk about adoption more. The girls are still really little, but we talked with Lily about how Lucy's first dad was coming to see her.  And how she has a first dad and a first mom, too - mostly we talked about how they were related to Aunt A. and Cousin S. and Grandma K. She didn't understand any of it, really. I guess at this point, it is more practice for PB and I than anything else. 


JUST A MOM said...

MY insight is this,,,, do not make it such a "SPECIAL" thing just a natural thing and it will not be an issue.

I have a friend who almost always points out the "SPECIAL NEEDS SPECIAL CHILDREN SPECIAL ADOPTIONS" children,,, Ours are just our children and oh yeah by the way they are adopted huh...I think we/they have all been better off that way. JUST our children.

Steph said...

i think that's awesome. take the secret out of it, and it's just a part of life....
i wish my parents had done that~