Monday, February 09, 2009

Hard questions

This is such a *great* post from a blogger I recently found. It's long, but well worth the read if you are an adoptive parent or anyone who wants to understand the experience of adoptees.

Party of 5: Thinking About Tomorrow, And The Past

What I love about this post is that it simultaneously acknowledges three things:

1.  Being adopted is hard, and the difficulty of it can start very early.
Both her boys ask questions, even at this young age. Both have obviously been impacted by this event, probably in ways they are just figuring out or just finding the language for. I have mused aloud before whether Lily's sleep disturbances aren't part and parcel of her being adopted. When I read here that once he had the language to articulate his nightmares, it became quite clear they were about abandonment, I had a full body shiver.

2. All adoptees experience adoption differently.
These boys are identical twins, who were placed in the same place in Haiti, at the same time, by the same first mom. They were adopted into the same environment at the same time by the same a-parents. But their reactions are MARKEDLY different.

3. As a-parents there really is only so much we can do.
I can't imagine any parents handling this better - the constant reassurances, the openness to any and all questions, the provison of honest, age appropriate answers. But, as she describes it, the infinitely deep hole is still there. Being a fixer myself, I have a really hard time accepting this, though I do believe it.

Anyway, food for thought.

1 comment:

Steph said...

wow. It shows me you never know. You don't know how anyone will react... or how you will respond. I strongly believe being open and honest is the best way. And as the kids get older, they should be told more, even the yucky stuff. The worst is just not knowing.

I hope I do a better job then my parents did. My brother told me we were adopted!