Thursday, June 12, 2008

Hi, my name is Amanda...

and I'm a bad adoptive parent, too!

My agency worker is... umm... distressed that I have a copy of Lucy's original birth certificate. According to her, without a notarized letter from Lucy's first parents saying that I had permission to get it, I shouldn't have requested it. Further, the county where Lucy was born, she says, should not have sent it to me.

But I did, and they did.

And I don't feel badly about it. I mean, I guess, yes, technically it's a violation of Lucy's first mom's privacy... but I told her that I wanted to get a copy of it, and she said that was fine. Plus, aside from her first dad's absence on the document there is NOTHING there that we didn't already know - we exchanged full names and addresses in the hospital, and one of the reasons we finally settled on Lucy's middle name is that it's her first mom's. Hell, I didn't even do anything DISHONEST to get it - I just went online, filled out Lucy's information, filled out my information and paid my $28 bucks.

Besides that, I feel like the bigger violation would be to NOT do everything I can to get my hands on it before it is sealed by the state, for Lucy's sake. I think it's totally ludicrous that she doesn't have a legal right to this document once we finalize and the crazy new "Look it's just like Amanda and PB gave birth to Lucy" certificate is issued. Isn't that a worse thing to do - to keep her from having that?

I don't know. I guess it really doesn't matter. What's done is done and really, I'm glad I did it.

13 comments:

Yondalla said...

You know, whenever I think about doing an adult adoption with the boys, the first thing I want to do is get copies of their original birth certificates for them. They are important document and they need.

Eos said...

I actually lied...yes lied...to keep my daughter's original BC. I knew I wasn't supposed to have it and some harried social worker left it w/ my paperwork once and when she asked for it I said I didn't have it...I feel absolutely no guilt about this because now we have both...the original and the one after adoption that we use for legal purposes. I believed then and still do that she has a right ot it. Good for you!

Dawn said...

Right on! Glad you got it!! (They sent us Madison's by mistake but I always wonder if some adoption-reform-minded person in the franklin county office did it on purpose!)

Deborah said...

Yeah, that's ridiculous (what they do with the birth certificates after adoption, and that they're upset you have the original). Really, what you did was perfectly legal and in my mind ethical too, so nobody should be mad.

rae said...

amanda,
a bad adoptive parent? nope. i think you rock. i wish my parents had done the same.

there is nothing more heart breaking to me than to look at my birth certificate and know that my birthmom was wiped off of it. it shows my adoptive mom as having given birth to me and her age and her address. why can't they do an addendum on birth certificates for adoption? why are we not allowed to have our history? why does it have to be wiped out? Just because we were adopted doesn't mean that we don't have a history anymore, that somehow it was deleted by the adoption.

tough subject for me. thank you for doing this for lucy. i think you are an AWESOME MOM, screw the adoptive part.

awesome mom.

hugs and love to you always
rae

Dream Mommy said...

We usually get copies of the original birth certificates. Now, if I could only get the new one with our names so he can started using his adoptive last name. It's been well over six months.

I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Foster Mom to Many said...

I have copies of both of my kids original birth certificates. I requested them from the office of vital records while the kids were still in foster care. I used my social worker credentials to get them and I don't feel bad about it at all. It's part of the kids past, their heritage and they have a right to that information. I'm adopted and I wish I had a copy of my original birth certificate. Good for you!

Runergirl said...

I'm so glad you got it for her too:))))Wish I could get mine!!!

Cookie's Mom said...

Good for you! I wish I had done the same for my girls. But with Bit-Bit's old crazy worker, I doubt I'll be able to do so. At least I know all of the history and have lots of paperwork. Still, I think you totally rock for that move.

JUST A MOM said...

we have our girls "first" certs. Why not have them IF they want to find out when time comes why not I don't think it would be such a big deal. our "worker" gave us ours.

FosterMommy said...

We wish we had Squeak's original cert. It's so weird that, after finalization, his is going to say that fostermama and I somehow gave birth to him...among other things, we were both on an airplane at the time of his birth (we think, we don't know the exact time.) Fortunately, we know his b'mom's full name, so there's no info on the original that we don't know.

Rebecca said...

Good for you. M. does not have his original certificate. We only know his birthmother's name because we paid a service to locate her, based on a bit of information his mother sneaked a peek at during the finalization hearing way back in 1958. The fake certificate is such a sham, and I think it's important that the child be allowed access to his or her original certificate when the time is right. Thus, you had to get it in advance because Lucy can't request it yet!

FosterMommy said...

We actually (very easily) managed to get a copy of Squeak's original cert just this week. More details to come on my blog, when I finally get around to it! Thanks for the reminder/inspiration!