Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Update

We did match with the e-mom. We asked for time to make the decision, we apologized profusely for not being able to say yes right away, but both PB and I felt like we needed to just process the situation and make absolutely certain it was a good idea.

I don't want to disclose too much, but the e-mom has a disease that is transmitted through blood (not the BIG one, but still). There is a very low chance of the baby contracting it, but it is still a possibility, and we won't know if she has the disease for a very long time.

It was a surprisingly hard decision for us to make. I don't like to think of us as "those" PAPs, the ones who feel their pain and their infertility and their long suffering childless standing give them the privelage of parenting only a perfect, white infant. What we realized when this situation presented itself is that maybe we are more like "those" PAPS than we thought, which was... um... ridiculously uncomfortable.

Eventually, we thought about Lily and how similar this baby's circumstances are to hers. We thought about the fact that we had absolutely no idea if her biomom had the same disease - she very well could, given that she shares a similar history with the e-mom. We realized that if our agency called us and asked us to take this baby we would, without hesitation. We felt like she might need us, that maybe having Lily prepared us to not flip out about the drug exposure (which we probably would have just one year ago).

So first, on Thursday night, we said, "No way." We took the night to sleep on it and asked Nancy, our wonderful s/w from Cleveland for more time to think about it. Then we took the weekend, talked, thought, etc, and finally called Nancy on Monday morning to accept.

So that's probably way more than you wanted to know about the process. If anyone is still wondering, I did tell PB that I am roiling ball of emotions, which, you know, up to that point he hadn't realized, and that he had to have the ultimate veto power on this one.

Now we wait.

8 comments:

Maerlowe said...

Holy crap! Congratulations!

She could deliver any day -- I would be going nutso-bonkers (as my mother says). Fantastic news, so glad you took enough time to get comfortable with a decision.

Anonymous said...

Yaah great news...fingers crossed...will be watching for updates!

Mama2BandT

Steph said...

That's great you're able to get past your fears and see the bigger picture. Let's all hope for the best and she's healthy....

JUST A MOM said...

hey you got bigger chances to have a great kid there.... keep the faith... I can't wait to hear.

rae said...

amanda i'm getting excited for you. an april due date! holy moly!
this could be it, friend. and it better be.....damnit.
love you
rae
www.brokeneggs.wordpress.com

MommyNay said...

so awesome! sending tons of baby dust your way!

Kathryn said...

i completely understand about being like "those PAPs"...
we are on the fence about fostering these days (still haven't gotten a call) -- i've just been hearing too many of the bad stories lately. didn't think i would feel this way. like you, we'll just take it as it comes.

i'm really excited for you guys. keep the updates coming!

FosterMommy said...

Congrats on the match! Whatever happens, I hope that the little baby has health and a loving family, and that you have a child to raise forever. *hugs*