Monday, March 17, 2008

She walks!

Lily is almost officially walking - like I wouldn't call her a walker yet, but she has officially walked. Her aunt said that she took two steps on Friday, but she didn't take any this weekend. Then, this afternoon, J. called and said she saw her take two steps. When I got home, she was up to three and I saw her do it a couple of times. Unfortunately, she wasn't "performing" for PB so he hasn't seen it yet.

It's so adorable, she throws her hands up and out and is so proud of herself. Then she freaks out and falls down.

At the same, time, it's also incredibly sad... she is growing up so fast. Her milestones are making crazy now. I feel like each one if bringing us closer to the day when she's taken away from us. How morbid is that?

I've felt all along that PGM would be the biggest possibility for placement, and moving visits there is a pretty good sign - she has now passed the homestudy and is an approved caregiver. There is no supervision during the visits.

Last week I got an email from her c/w - Lily's grandma has expressed "some interest" in getting her. Now, IMHO, "some interest" after almost a year doesn't mean shit. But we all know that's not how the system works, now don't we? Her c/w is coming out to meet with us tomorrow night; I'm afraid he's coming to tell us that he will recommend moving her at the June hearing. That thought literally terrifies me. I don't even know what to do with thoughts of her leaving. I mean, it was terrible enough with Baby Bear, this... this is something I can't even comprehend happening.

Lily also has three teeth now - one of her top teeth broke through just last night / today. Why do I wish I hadn't noticed that?

Edited to add: will post updates about the new baby soon. I'm really focusing on Lily tonight.


MommyNay said...

I don't know how it works in your state, but I would consider contacting Lily's CW. We had a law passed here that states that foster parents have equal standing in the eyes of the law after 6months. Had she come forward and started the process of becoming an approved caregiver before the 6month mark even if that process took another 6months she'd still have priority, however what Im getting from this is that she didnt come forward until after the 6month mark. If that is the case and your state has something similar in place maybe you could appeal the decision and fight for Lily. CPS wouldn't like you one damn bit for it, but this isn't about them...granted I wouldn't expect them to place another child with you either...but still. I understand that fear. I pray it doesn't become a reality for you. I dreamed last night that we went up to visit Alex and he wasnt there. I asked the cousins where he was and they told me that they removed Alex and put him into another foster home soon after they got home with him because of this or that and that they were still fighting to get him back. I lost my mind and woke up mad and crying because they didn't give him back to me but put him into another home. I'm still not even close to being over losing him, its been over a year now. I still cry.

Kara said...

Thanks for the comment, I hope our first placement is our lost but keep telling myself that nothing is sealed until a child is legally ours. This whole process just does'nt make any kind of sense to me. I guess it's all about the wait and see at this point - I will keep you posted. You have been such a great resource and comfort - wish you lived in CA.

JUST A MOM said...

Hang in there and put yoru heart where YOU need it to be for this meeting and then afterwards. AT LEAST she does have family.. it COULD be really bad at what she has to go to... hang onto that. Look at what you have given this baby,, IF they decide to move her... I know first hand with my Lil. Michael , we had him hwne he was a baby and he is now 20 years old,,, He is a great kid.. well MAN huh and going to be a great daddy in Sept. WE DID MAKE A DIFFERANCE IN HIS LIFE. all his siblings are in jail or have many children or on the run. hang onto that,,,, AND he is back in our lives too. (((HUGS)))

Steph said...

I soooo understand the morbidity you are feeling. Seems like it's one step, then two, then they are maybe walking out the door.
I hope your story ends better then ours. I wouldn't wish this sadness on anyone.