Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Advice, anyone?

Has anyone adopted privately and had any difficult coordinating with the hospital regarding visitation, etc?

I'm getting serious mixed messages from the various staff there. Last weekend, the nurses were great, seemed happy to have us visit with baby girl and were super nice to us. This week, we've been told different things by different people (I can board there, I can't board there, We can call to get info, we can't call to get info, she is doing great, she is going not so great).

It's so hard, it's all complicated by the fact that we're three hours away. We want to be there as much as we can IF we can visit as much as we can, but it seems silly to go there, pay to stay and have limited contact ESPECIALLY when we have Lily to care for. I don't want to take time away from her unless it will be useful to be in Cleveland.

As we stand now, I can't stay at the hospital and I will only be permitted to visit for one hour, every three hours. If you take away the nighttime - when I can't be there because I can't board there - then that leaves about 5 one hour visits per day (max), at a cost of 100 bucks a night for a hotel, two days PTO from work and three days away from Lily.

ARGH... I am really at a loss about what to do at this point.


Dawn said...

Our agency told us that different hospitals treat adoptive parents much differently. I'd contact the hospital social worker and talk to them. Likely s/he has the final say in how things ought to be working. Good luck though!!!

FosterMommy said...

i haven't been in this situation (at 6 weeks old, Squeak was fortunately not still in the hospital!) but I have a couple of thoughts...
1) are you adopting through an agency? the agency should be able to help you out and talk to the hospital about it. they've been down this road before.
2) what are the surrender laws in that state? have the parents signed anything in relation to the adoption? If they have signed anything saying they intend for the child to be placed with the agency or with you for adoption, then you are the de facto parents and should be allowed full access.

Maybe the hospital is getting mixed signals from the parents as to whether they want to place for adoption or not? And they're trying to protect the parents by keeping you away? You just never know...

But, yeah, check with the agency/lawyer about getting actual access to the baby/information.

MommyNay said...

First of all I agree completely with dawn, find out who the hospital social worker is and contact her. She will act as a liaison between you and the staff and has a lot of weight. If you can make nice with her you will be in a good place. Is she in the NICU or nursery? Does she have a room or is she on a unit where parents are able to stay over at all? Has her birth mother been discharged from the hospital? did baby girl room in with bio's? Are they visiting? if so are their visits restricted? I know that in many nicu's parents are never permitted to stay over--if she is however in a ward or unit where mothers are staying over(sleeping in chairs next to their babies cribs) I would fight to be able to stay with her. Or at a minimum to have unrestricted visiting--but again find out if this is policy for everyone, or just you in your unique situation. During Marissa's first hospitalization after we matched with her but before any placement papers had been signed I was given *VERY* limited access to her at the hospital. She was in a special care unit in isolation. After meeting with the hospital social worker that ALL changed and I was given a fold out chair next to her crib and I didn't leave her side after that. I know EXACTLY how hard it is to have one child in a hospital cities away with kids at home. We've done it four times since Christmas. Keep us posted!