Monday, January 28, 2008

Put your hands up and hold onto your stomachs!

The roller coaster is in full swing.

I went to Lily's SAR (semi-annual administrative review) this morning fully prepared to leave in a dark mood. I also thought I might meet Lily's "dad". But turns out, neither happened.

Only us, Lily's CW and his supervisor showed - no GAL and neither parent.

We went over the caseplan, talked about the strengths and weaknesses of both bioparents and their families and did some interesting risk assessment scales - I've never been to an SAR so it was nice to see how that process works.

During the course of the review I found out some interesting stuff about Lily's "dad" - apparently he has been using for 2 to 3 years and he really is the one who got Lily's mom hooked. Also, he is depressive, has an anxiety disorder and is not employed. He lives at home with his mother and his grandparents.

At some point during the last visit, Lily's paternal grandmother asked her son to leave the room so she could speak with the cw privately. That's when she filled him in on all of this, indicated she didn't think her son could parent in the short or long term and inquired about whether any of M.'s family had offered to take Lily. She seemed open to this possibility. But she has also stated that she wanted Lily placed with her, so it's hard to know what her real intentions are.

During the hearing, they asked if we would be interested in adopting Lily if it "came to that". We responded that we certainly would and I told the cw that he could let Lily's paternal family know that we would allow them to visit with her, provided the visits were safe and healthy for Lily. The CW suggested it might be a good idea for us to let Lily's paternal grandma know that.

It seems as if he was implicitly suggesting that we should let her know so that she could back away and we could adopt Lily. I might be misreading the situation but I don't think I am. PB felt the same undertone.

My gut had kind of been telling me to call the grandma, just so she would know we were OK people who love Lily very much, but I haven't yet. I guess I will now. At this point, I don't think it could hurt and it might change the case.

Lily's CW is hoping to file PCC or attempt reunification after the June hearing, which means this should all be settled by December at the latest - either we can adopt her if they file PCC or they'll close the case after a successful reunification with family. So there's a light at the end of a very long tunnel. That's good, right?


Steph said...

At least there's SOMETHING. I agree that maybe if PGM sees you and talks to you, maybe even sees you and Lilly together and makes the connection that YOU are her mommy, it could ease her mind and make her back off.... not that she's been oh so active to begin with! It does show a great deal of care she came out with the info on Dad. Tells me she really does want what's best for the baby. That's a really good start.
I'll keep everything crossed.

Runergirl said...

It sounds like it is swinging in your direction:)

rebecca said...


It definitely sounds like the caseworker is letting you know that he can't push anything one way or another, but that you can certainly make your position known to them.

Given that you are open to keeping all types of the family in contact with Lily, what the hell? Go push your agenda. You don't have anything, but you have everything (Lily), to lose - so you are free to do what you have to do.

CA Momma said...

Whoa! That does sound promising. Crossing things like Steph.

JUST A MOM said...

HAHAH OH MY WORD!!!!! SEE this is NOT in YOUR hands now is it.... hang in there and enjoy and let them know that you love her very much. it IS GOOD.

Dream Mommy said...

If bio dad is living with grandma and not fit they will not place lilly with grandma(at least they are not supposed to). Mom and dad not showing for the meeting does not look good, plus she's already been in care a good while.

Keep your hopes up.