Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween is a big day for Lily

Lily crawled, for real on her hands and knees for the first time today. She has been army crawling for a while, but I think we're in for it now.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Radio Silence

I am officially a contender of wife of the year.... PB's grandma died last night and I am off on a business trip now through Friday afternoon.

Nice.

Monday, October 15, 2007

As usual...

one of my bloggy friends is far more wise than I am... Yondalla commented on my post regarding the bizarre comment spam I received yesterday. When I went back and reread it it seemed a little more insidious than I initially thought. So I deleted it.

My apologies if the comment spam (and my lighthearted approach to it) offended anyone.

Funniest comment spam ever....

Check the comments to the "Would I do it again?" post to read the most bizarre comment spam ever. I think it's (mostly) English yet still pretty much incomprehensible.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Lily Update

Finally (finally!) reached Lily's cw today. He apologized for the confusion about visits and let me know that they are suspended until further notice. Apparently Lily's mom was a no-show at his appointment with her yesterday. You know, the appointment where they were supposed to talk about how she could go about seeing her daughter again.

He confirmed that neither Mom or Dad showed up for court and that they did get TCC. Her annual review is scheduled for June next year, which is actually good, because by then we will be at the 12-month mark where we can file for de-facto parent status. And if this case continues the way it has, we definitely will.

I'm taking most of the day off tomorrow... Lily has pictures then a doctor's appt, both in honor of being 6 months old. Then she is spending the weekend with my parents while we got to a wedding. Probably won't post much until early next week and hopefully then I'll have the this-is-why-foster-to-adopt-is-inherently-a-crazy-idea post ready.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Would I do it again?

This is the question posed by Kathryn, in the comments to my previous post. Would I do it again?

I've been struggling to work out my thoughts on this subject for a few days now. I mean, I am still doing it, so I guess that's one indicator, right? And PB and I talk a good game about continuing to foster even if we get to adopt one of the babies. So that suggests yes.

But knowing what I know now, would I still embark on this path? Hmmm. This is where it gets a little tricky.

See, I wouldn't trade my experiences with Baby Bear and BeBe and Lily for anything in the world, given that I have survived them. They are, without a doubt, some of the most intense growth opportunities I've ever had and I think (dare I even say this?) I am a better person for them.

But the reality is that each of my kids has heartbreak attached to them. Lots and lots of heartbreak. I can't even imagine what it will be like when Lily leaves. Cannot contemplate it. OTOH, I am really proud of the work we've done with Lily and I feel like we are making a real difference in her life.

I suspect, for me, the question in complicated by the fact that we are foster-to-adopt parents. Despite my best intentions I think there is a part of me that hopes that Lily will stay forever. Even though I try not to, I still do, because I love her and I feel like her mom. Who doesn't want their daughter to stay with them forever?

Sometimes I wonder if this would be easier if I had at least one biological or adopted child already. Because it's weird to be a parent, then no longer be a parent. I wonder if I could embrace fostering more fully if I wasn't relying on it to build a family. In fact, I sometimes wonder if fostering-to-adopt isn't about the worst idea ever. There's a post building on that but I can't seem to get it right.

Plus, we haven't even talked about the crappiness of dealing with the system. I am lucky enough to live in a county where (I think) stipends are relatively generous AND I have a great caseworker. But, the fact of the matter is that foster parents are often treated like glorified babysitters... sometimes just babysitters. That's hard, when you are pouring all of your effort into doing the very best for the child in your care.

It's also hard to realize that child protection is not really about children or protection.... well maybe it is about protection on second thought, but mostly protecting the state against liability. It's hard to watch months and months of a child's life be frittered away in limbo, simply because their current placement is satisfactory and there aren't enough workers to go around. And it sucks to actually hear a c/w say "Yes, most of our kids have attachment disorders... there's pretty much no way around it," in regards to a one-month-old infant.

Finally, knowing what I know now, about the need for foster parents, about the crappy foster parents some kids have to live with, about the wonderful foster parents who have been doing everything they can for years... well... that makes it *really* hard to just walk away, makes it hard to say "No, I wouldn't do it all over again."

Even though I sometimes want to.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

The milestones... they just keep coming.

On Tuesday night, when I went to give Lily her paci back in the middle of the night, she was up on her hands and knees grinning her little head off.

Then yesterday, J. told me that not only was she on her hands and knees, but she was rocking. I'm telling you, this girl wants to move.

I literally can't believe how quickly she's changing. She is developing new skills before my eyes. It's amazing.

BTW, the moving thing? V. cool to watch, not so cool in the middle of the night. For the last week, Lily has been waking up at around 2:30 or 3:00 and then every consecutive hour thereafter. Why you ask? Because she has moved from where I originally put her to the top / side / end of the crib and keeps bumping into it. Rather than just stop the bumping herself, she needs me to either reposition her or give her her paci or both.

Why the big gap until 2:30 or 3:00? No freakin' clue. But I'm not asking any questions because I need a little sleep every now and then.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Lily update

Took Lily to W.IC today. She is now 13lbs, 7ozs and 24 inches long! She's 50% weight for height and 10% weight for age. Still little, but catching up, because last time we were at W.IC, they couldn't even plot her on the charts.

Speaking of W.IC. Why do they even bother to make appointments? I got there at 8:20 for my 8:30 appt and left at 9:50. Fun.

But I can't complain too much - Lily's doc has switched her to Alim.entum, which is about $26 for the small (16 oz can). For those of you who are number crunchers like me, that's about $1.36 per bottle. And if waiting for an hour and a half every three months will get me all of her formula for free, I guess it's worth it.

Stay tuned for another update on Saturday - that's when she gets her 6 month check up (and, unfortunately, shots).