Monday, December 24, 2007


OK. I can't believe it's Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve, people! How did this happen?

Friday was a crazy day - Lily was visiting with her bio-aunt all day (as she does every Friday) when I got a scary call at work.

Before I go any further - LILY IS FINE. Quite well, actually. Not bothered at all.

Aunt A: I have some bad news for you.

ME (thinking): OMG OMG OMG OMG WTF is going on?

ME (saying - somewhat calmly): What? What happened?

Aunt A (crying): I was taking a pizza out of the oven when..... SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING.... Lily got burnt.

Turns out Lily made a mad crawling dash across the kitchen just as Aunt A. was removing a pizza from the oven and somehow managed to burn her palm. I don't think she touched the actual element - her palm is blistered but not severely burnt. She appears to be completely unphased by the burn - even when it's uncovered and in warm bath water, it doesn't seem to bother her. She lets us put cream on it and bandage it with absolutely no trouble - which is pretty funny actually, because she fights like hell against diaper changes these days.

But since she is in care it becomes a huge issue.

It necessitates a trip to the doctor, who was highly suspicious of me (despite my assurances that she was not in my care, that I saw nothing suspicious, etc.). It necessitates a 24 page report- which I still have to fill out and submit today. It necessitates calls to supervisors because regular caseworkers weren't in, and those supervisors mentioned the words like "hotline" and "investigation", which makes my blood run cold even though I won't be the subject of the calls and investigations.

I can totally understand how an accident like this can happen - she is really fast, and the burn (all things considered) is really minor. Lily's aunt feels like crap, has called repeatedly to check on her, and I really think probably is suffering more over this than Lily is.

I can also understand why this needs to be taken seriously by the County. I just wish I didn't have to be involved.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Just when you think you're not bitter anymore...

You read PITNB and find out that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.

Ick. Just ick.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Baby cuteness

I promise there are even cuter ones than this... but here is a selection of Lily's Christmas pictures that don't show her face too clearly.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I detect a correlation

between sleep disruption and developmental leaps...

Lily has been sleeping like crap for the past 5 days. After a blissfully long (two week )stretch of solid 10 - 12 hour nights, it's been the same routine - in bed early, sleep soundly for about 2 - 3 hours, then up every hour, screaming for her paci.

This weekend, Lily took steps while holding onto the stairs in our hallway and the bathtub - yeah, I know a great place to learn how to walk.

Today? She crawled up two stairs at the sitters.

Methinks that walking isn't too far away. Break out the baby gates and God help us all :-)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Sliding toward 30...reluctantly

As some of you may know, my 30th birthday is this week. If you do know it's the big 3-0, you also know another thing: I'm not happy about that. At. All.

I know, I know. I know some of you will say, "But Amanda, 30 isn't old." Or, "I wish I was 30 again." I get that once you're past 30, you want to be 30 again. Much the same way I'd like to be 20 again. Some of you will also say, "But Amanda, 30 is the next 20." To that I simply say, "Nuh-uh." I know, v. mature.

You see, I've really got a hangup about aging. I don't want to get old. I definitely don't want to die. But more than that, I have a really negative inner voice regarding being 30. For as long as I can remember I have thought of being 30 as the time when I will be old.

Now, bear in mind, I know a lot of people who are in their 30s (and beyond), and I don't think of them as old. But to me, personally, 30 has always felt like old. Like I can't imagine myself being that old. Like "30? When I'm 30 my real life - my grown up life - will be well under way. I will be well on the path to whatever it is I'm going to be or do."

I used to say, " I don't want to have kids after I'm 30." That's why PB and I started trying relatively early. Because by now, we were supposed to be trying for (or done with) #2. Instead? Well, we're waiting to find out if Number 3 (or number 6 if you count failed private matches) will stick around to someday, eventually become Number 1.

For a while now, I've been feeling pretty tired - you all have heard me talk whine about that before, so I won't bore you with it. But now, in addition to being worn down, the stupid birthday thing is hitting me pretty hard. The other day I was talking to my boss about this and she (who is by far the youngest 67 year old I know) said, "You know, Amanda, you're only as old as you feel."

She's right. And to me, 30 feels pretty damned old.

Monday, December 03, 2007

She's definitely waving!

Lily is officially waving at us. Well, we have to wave at her first, but it is still one of the cutest things I have ever seen.