So I'm reading this book called, "The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades before Roe v. Wade." It's a great book, written by Ann Fessler. And as a PAP, it's hard as hell to read.
This passage in particular struck me. The first mom who is speaking is particularly eloquent at expressing what it was like to be an unwed mom during this time period, especially the complete lack of rights or informed consent. She goes on to describe the constant, haunting pain that placing her baby with adoptive parents left on her life. She says that the only way to heal is to have that pain acknowledged:
Instead of always pushing adoption as this loving, wonderful, rescuing thing. Yes, that may be the case for people who adopt. It is not the case for us. You never are whole. Never. It's a hugely damaging thing. It's an enormously injuring, painful, fracturing, amputation of families.Ouch. I've read blogs by first moms before and they have moved me. But something about this passage stuns me. I think it's the "amputation of families" imagery.
How can I feel good about being part of that? Really? In a way, I think I know a small part of what she's talking about. I am familiar with the constant ache for something you can't have. And I know what it's like to love a baby and send it away. I'm not claiming I feel all of her pain, not at all. But if what PB and I are going through is even a fraction of what she's experiencing, I can't imagine asking someone else to go through it.