Friday, September 14, 2007


Ugh. I am so upset right now. I just talked to Lily's cw and apparently her mom couldn't be bothered to visit today. She was taking a trip out of town.

Freakin' A. You get to see your kid once a week and you skip it because you're out of town. WTF?

Apparently she's not working now either. Her boyfriend (not Lily's dad, the one she lives with) is still using, so I don't think she'lll make much progress as long as she's still with him.

I hate being so angry but I just can't help it. We love Lily soooo much. Why can't her mom see how awesome she is and be motivated to get her shit together for her if nothing else?

I suck at being a foster parent.


Cookie's Mom said...

Oh I'm right there with you!! When we had the last baby we did, biomom missed a visit because she was taking a vacation with her boyfriend - damn you people!!! (i thought) Yup, living with a user will not help this woman get her Lily back - thwey just won't return her as long as she's with him. In our state, even the no job thing wouldn't prevent her from getting Lily back, but living with a user would. Man, I wish they'd just move for TPR in your case. Dang it.

rae said... so sorry. damnit. i would suck at being a foster parent too. guess this explains the burnout rate. i'm just wishing we lived closer. damnit.
i know huge cyber hugs don't fix anything but honey i'm sending you a million of them.

Robin said...

That sucks!!!!! I' so sorry and I really feel for you. You don't suck at being a foster parent, you are just a wonderful parent.

Susan said...

It really isn't over till it's over and then it still isn't over. Take the roller coaster one thrill at a time. Hugs!

FosterAbba said...

What would happen if you looked at the entire situation differently? What if you looked at every missed visit, every dirty drug test, every milestone missed as a positive thing? What if you looked at each one of those moments as an opportunity for the state to take yet one more slow, small step towards terminating parental rights and giving your child a chance at a normal life with people who truly love, want, and can take care of her?

Although I felt sad when I realized "Danielle" wasn't going to go home, I never felt angry about it. The truth is, I think "Danielle" is much better off where she is than where she was.

CA Momma said...

I totally agree with FosterAbba. Its hard when you are right in the middle of everything but could this be a good thing?

Rebecca said...

I, like the two posters above me, thought this would be a good thing too, but I'm sure those of you in the foster parent system know how much it seems to give every opportunity to the bio-parents, despite every screw-up. With that being said, I can understand why some may not want to get any hope up to that end.

At the same time, I can understand how foster parents don't want to do a happy dance when the bio parent screws up.

And thus, when I read this, and the comments, I continue to be in awe that you guys can even do this. This would be far too much for me.

FWIW, I know Amanda IRL, and that baby is just absolutely adorable and I just don't want her to go back. She's doing SO well with them, it's not even funny. I don't know how Amanda and PB do it, I don't know how to help, I don't know how you balance these competing interests and feelings.
I don't know why the county does what it does (because they don't follow their own rules and regulations, that's for sure).

Gosh, in a way, it would be simpler if she'd just get it as to what a darling her daughter is, and get it together and for the system to stop coddling her along the way.

Hugs to A., and my continuing respect for those who foster and survive (and even thrive).

JUST A MOM said...

YOU are a GREAT foster parent... it is those who do NOT care that suck..... things can still turn ,, hang in tehre,.

Dream Mommy said...

I feel your pain. They still want reunification for Bubbles even though both parents we recently arrested for drug dealing. Makes me mad.

Oh, I don't know if you made an error posting, but I think you may have put Lilly's name by mistake, unless you wanted to for some reason.

Cookie's mom,

I wish the no job thing would keep parents from getting their kids back in my state. Here they don't even care that one bio parent can't read!

Robin said...

Hope you are doing well; I have been thinking about you.

Rebecca said...

They want to reunify still after both were arrested for drug dealing? WTF? No wonder I don't understand how you guys do this! I'd be screaming at that point!

Tami said...

You don't suck at being a foster parent...this woman sucks at being a MOM!!! Keep up your great work with Lily.