Friday, September 28, 2007

For those of you who were wondering....

It was option 2: he cancelled the visit and didn't notify me. Well he did, at about 8:20 this morning. The transporter normally comes at 8:30.

Now, today that was not a big deal because PB is on vacation anyway. But we take Lily to a babysitter every week day, and when I take her, I leave the house at 8:10. So today, I would have been 10 minutes late to work, assuming my babysitter would have availability when I told her she didn't need to (we use home care, not a center).

Thankfully my job is flexible enough that it wouldn't be too huge a deal. And pretty much the same thing goes for the babysitter. But he doesn't know that. Besides, foster parents are always an afterthought when stuff like this is decided.

I hate being an afterthought.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Warning: Major Vent Ahead

I think, after Lily, I may be done.

Done with fostering. Done with chasing after adoption. Just done.

Tonight I got a call from Lily's mom. She said that she wanted me to tell the transporter to bring the baby to the office instead of to her sister's house. I asked her if the cw knew and she said no, she hadn't been able to get ahold of him. I told her that I couldn't really change where the transporter was taking her but I'd see what was happening in the morning.

So I called her aunt, to see if she was still supervising the visit. She said the cw told her the visit was canceled because he hadn't been able to reach Lily's mom. So one of two things has happened. Either 1) he changed the visits to be back at the office AND lied to Lily's aunt about it AND didn't inform me of the change; or 2)he canceled the visit and the way I was supposed to find that out was by not having the transporter show up in the morning*.

Either way, I am royally pissed off.

I am also scared to death for Lily. Her aunt said that Lily's mom is no longer taking her calls, that she wants her to "stay out of her business." Keep in mind, her aunt is probably the only stable person in Lily's life who is biologically related to her and has shown any interest in seeing her regularly. Yes, that's right, Lily's "dad" has seen her once in 6 months and still hasn't had a DNA test.

Lily's aunt strongly suspects that her mom is using again and says there are other things going on with her boyfriend that the cw doesn't even know about. We talked for a while and she really seems to be at her wit's end.

What am I going to do if they send her back into some crazy situation? Seriously, how am I ever going to be able to live with that?

*Note, I have been trying to reach Lily's cw for the last week. I've left two messages AND sent an email and received no response.

Lily sat up!

For a very few seconds. I am amazed at the changes in her this week. She has also started babbling tons and tons.

Friday, September 21, 2007

I am probably in trouble....

with Lily's cw.

I wasn't able to get ahold of him all week and I needed to have Lily brought to my house instead of the babysitter's this week after her visit. When the transporter arrived this morning, he still hadn't delivered my message and when I talked to her I found out she was ill and was going to call a sub to cover for her so I offered to just pick Lily up.

So far, so good. But when I got to Lily's aunt's to pick her up, I found out Mom didn't show up again. And she didn't show up at court earlier this week and neither did Lily's "dad".

Also, the last two times Mom did show up, it's because Lily's aunt got up at 5:30, went to pick her up, drug her out of bed and made her get dressed and brought her to her house.

Her Aunt - I'm going to call her Aunt A. from now on - said she doesn't now what it will take to wake M. up. She said they (cw, family members, etc) were going to have an intervention next week to try to make her realize that she's had to decide to either get Lily back or to let her go. Then she and her husband said they only had one kid on purpose and while they loved Lily, it was a huge decision that they would have to think about a lot. I told them if they did decide to adopt her it would be great if we could still visit. They said we could.

And then I blurted out that if we adopted her, they could see her whenever they want. They seemed surprised and happy to hear that.

That's what the cw won't like. I'm not trying to pressure them. I'm not. I feel like they should make an informed decision about adopting Lily. They are not making a choice between never seeing her again and adopting her. We honestly would let them visit with her, take her for weekends, whatever. We want Lily to know (and love) all of her family. We asked the cw to tell Aunt A that and apparently he didn't.

So he probably won't be happy that I did.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


I appreciate all the comments to my last post. You all have expressed a lot of what I've been thinking for the last few days.

Starting with, "Yeah, that really does suck." Cuz, it pretty much does. But I guess it's how things work in the system.

Then moving to (cautiously), "Well, maybe we should be happy about this. Maybe it's good for our chances of keeping Lily."

And maybe it is. But I can't be happy about this for two reasons. First, it's just not my job to be happy when bioparents mess up. It's not my job to root against reunification. Even if it's what I really want to do.

Granted, it's also not my job to be pissed at Lily's mom for not appreciating her daughter. But... well, that's something I'm trying to get past.

The second reason is that I simply can't let myself think, or even hope, that we might get to adopt Lily. I went down that road with Baby Bear and I won't do it again. Now, to be clear, I certainly don't love Lily any less than I did Baby Bear. But, I don't imagine her being her in a year. Or when she's five. I don't think about having her at Christmastime...I haven't even bought her a Halloween costume. Heck I didn't even buy her any fall clothes until now and I *hate* having too many diapers in the house at one time.

I can't imagine a future with her because I can't mourn for that future on top of the very real loss of Lily, herself, when she goes home. Does that even make sense?

Friday, September 14, 2007

Lily moved herself...

I say moved herself because I'm not quite sure how she did it. I put her down on a blanket about a foot away from a play gym and went back to finish the dishes. When I looked up about 10 minutes later she was square in the middle of the play gym with a *huge* on her face.

I suspect she might have done it by putting her forehead down on the ground, and shoving herself forward in a semi crawl. That should make for a nice rug burn eventually.


Ugh. I am so upset right now. I just talked to Lily's cw and apparently her mom couldn't be bothered to visit today. She was taking a trip out of town.

Freakin' A. You get to see your kid once a week and you skip it because you're out of town. WTF?

Apparently she's not working now either. Her boyfriend (not Lily's dad, the one she lives with) is still using, so I don't think she'lll make much progress as long as she's still with him.

I hate being so angry but I just can't help it. We love Lily soooo much. Why can't her mom see how awesome she is and be motivated to get her shit together for her if nothing else?

I suck at being a foster parent.

Monday, September 10, 2007

No news is not always good news...

So, we've been waiting for over two weeks to hear from our insurance adjuster.

The verdict? The check will be $1000 less than the quote we received to just fix the damage to the roof. That doesn't include personal property (like all our bedding, mattresses, and random clothes that were ruined. along with our bedroom carpet) or tree removal - which when a crane is involved doesn't come cheap.

Tree removal: $1800
Roof replacement: At least 12K
Getting to fool with insurance and contractors: Freaking Priceless.