Monday, July 02, 2007

I know I owe you a post...

I am a bad, bad, bad blogger.

Actually, that might not be true. Maybe I am a considerate blogger. For the last week, I've spent a good deal of time raging against the universe. I think any post I could have constructed would probably have been a profanity laced piece of crap.

Not that I'm promising this one won't be.

Anyway, here's where we stand. Mom has shown up for two visits in a row. C/W says she is very committed to getting Lily back. Mom's sister is attending visits with Mom and a potential father has been identified (though no paternity test has happened yet and I don't think he will visit until after that comes back). So, my gut tells me that Lily will eventually be returned to some combination of family / biological parents, but we'll see.

BTW, the reason mom did not visit before is that she was in jail and was only recently released. From my calculations, the first three visits she missed were not during the 52 day sentence, but C/W is cutting her a break and assuming they were.

Lily, meanwhile has decided that sleeping is good (she's slept at least 6 hours for the past 4 nights). She is happy and adorable. She smiles like crazy and has made big strides in the head control department. She recognizes PB and I by voice now, which is pretty cool. She is starting to reach for things and is constantly trying to suck her thumb / gnaw on her fist. Only issues right now are serious bouts of spitting up - thinking that could be reflux - and her recurrent diaper rash.

Oh yeah, I am also a bad, bad, bad, bad mom. The doctor prescribed a new cream for Lily that was not covered by Medicaid and was... wait for it... $193. I declined the cream (for now) and we're trying the more conventional Maylocks / Acquafour (deliberate misspellings) combination to keep it in check. It's not too horrible yet, knock on wood.

As for PB and me, we're hanging in. I think we are definitely in the midst of the "fake it till you make it approach to life." My future plans change by about the hour. Since we got the call last week, we've considered:

  • Chucking the whole idea of kids, moving to Hawaii and drinking a lot

  • Chucking the whole idea of kids, moving to Cali, making a lot of money working for the man I lovingly refer to as Satan himself and drinking a lot.

  • Calling our caseworker and asking her to open our second spot back up so we'll have higher odds of cycling through to the adoptable one more quickly, and drinking a lot.

  • Calling out attorney and spending more money to have him match us with another e-mom, and drinking a lot

  • Calling the fertility specialist we saw and spending more money for her to try to get me knocked up. And not drinking a lot because it's bad for my fertility but wanting to really badly.

  • Breaking out the Metformin and Clomid and doing a little amateur fertility doctoring of my own and... see second sentence above.

In reality, what are we doing? Umm... pretty much nothing. Not even drinking a lot, despite the theme that emerged from my list above. Thus far, I have spent most of my energy feeling really sorry for myself. Then getting mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself. It's a nice cycle, really. Keeps my mind occupied at least.


Dream Mommy said...

The state will reimburse you for the cream if you have the money up front, just save the receipts. I had to do this all the time for Smiley. Of course I did get a $25k air med bill for Princess which I politely forwarded to social services.

I'm not sympathetic with Lily's mom's jail excuse for not making visits...sorry. If she has a history in jail, she will go back shortly, just like Princess' mom.

MommyNay said...

Hey I think your onto something in that post---Move to cali work for satan(youll make lots of $$) and spend hours everyweek soaking in a hottub with rae and I drinking away our pain--common you know you want to!

rae said...

hey i want to back renee up on that one. we were just talking this weekend about the fact that if you lived nearby we would all three be inseperable.
i'm just as pissed as you are, and i'm right there raging at the world with you. i'd drink but i'm so damn tired as it is that i'm afraid i'd just pass out and stop breathing.
come on out here and work for Satan....i'll take you to church on sunday to even out the odds.
then we can drink and be pissy together.

Susan said...

I’m in the hot tub with Rae and Nay! Pass the bubbly!

I am sure mom is "really committed to getting her back" for two whole visits! Wow, that's commitment. She will get over it quickly or end up back in jail. File for de facto status as soon as you reasonably can, like after 90-120 days of care so you get priority in any permanency plan. You can call me about this if you want to. I’ll tell you more.

OK. Use Kerry’s Herbal Miracle Salve for diaper rash (sunburn, scrapes, you name it) I don’t know how to put a link in here, but just Google the name.

JUST A MOM said...

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I say open up the second slot and drownd yourself in baby poo. Hang in there I kow this is sohard,,, TRY and remember that it is NOT us who makes plans..... I know that sucked huh go start thinking about drinking alot.

Anonymous said...

I prefer Option 1 since I love Hawaii, but Option 3 sounds more hopeful.