Thursday, June 21, 2007

Miracles never cease

First, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the comments and emails. You all rock. Seriously.

I'm breaking radio silence to let you know that Lily will have her first visit with her mom tomorrow morning.

Fun keeps right on coming.

PS - Lily is doing so well. She's huge and smiling and happy and beautiful. Too bad she's not mine.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Be careful what you wish for

It's done. I just heard from K.'s social worker that her situation has changed and she has decided to parent.

At least we don't have to fight over a name anymore.

If you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry. I have plenty of support, this is really just all too hard for me right now.


So I left another vm last night and haven't heard anything. I also emailed the agency and haven't heard anything. Both of these events could mean nothing. Or they could mean everything.

I am driving myself crazy here. I know K. has had cell phone difficulties in the past and I know that she and C. are not always the best about returning messages to their friends and family. However, K. has always been really good about getting in touch with me. In fact, this is the longest I've gone without talking to her since we talked the first time on the phone.

The thing is, it's not even about whether she's changed her mind or not. It's about *knowing* whether she's changed her mind or not. It's the uncertainty.

It sucks.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A (non) Update

No update really on any front.

Lily's court hearing was today. I haven't heard from the caseworker yet - I know, shocking given he still hasn't answered my messages about her un-visit from last Thursday and Friday - but my friend who is a GAL was at court today and apparently it was continued to June 29. Amy said neither Mom or Dad showed up and Dad's attorney hasn't heard from him. I have no idea what any of that means. I think they scheduled the continuance so quickly because if they go more than 90 days they have to dismiss and refile. Or something like that.

I left a message for K. on Sunday night but haven't heard back. Today is the original due date, although it sounds like her OB thought she might actually have a later due date than originally estimated. Hopefully I will be able to catch her tonight at some point.

Oooh, wait, here's something we can talk about - Lily found her thumb this weekend (just once, but still...) and you should see her in the bathtub. She has discovered the kicking and she really loves it. I think she would stay in there for hours if I'd let her.

Other than that, nothing shaking. Thanks for all the comments and emails. I'll post as soon as I know anything!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Lily is sick!

Well, maybe the sleeping thing was just a precursor to the throwing up / diarrhea thing. Poor Lily is not feeling well at all. Actually, let me take that back. She's not feeling badly, she just can't really keep anything down. And it's been going on for almost a week now. So, we had our first sick baby visit today.

Doctor prescribed some kind of powder that gets mixed into her bottle to help restore the healthy bacteria in her digestive track and said she has "a bug." Because she doesn't have a fever, seems pretty happy otherwise and isn't refusing food, there's not too much to worry about.

Lily is now 8 lbs, 15 ozs, just two ozs away from doubling her birthweight! Yay! Also, her mom is finally out of jail, so visits will (theoretically) begin again soon.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Panic (albeit brief!)

So, on Monday evening the Adoption agency we're working with in Chicago called. They hadn't heard from K., despite repeated calls. This was (they said) very unlike her. Did I know anything about it?

Um... no. I don't. But thanks for freaking me out. Awesome.

I wasn't terribly upset because when I spoke with K. late last week, she told me she was out of cell phone minutes. BUT. She also told me that they were taking care of it and she would give me a call that weekend. And I was already thinking, "Hmmm. Maybe I should call her." Then the agency calls and, trying to be very nonchalant, totally freaked me the hell out.

So now I'm all nervous - wondering if she's changed her mind. I decide to call her and check in and can't get her and I just leave a message.

At this point, I begin to realize how excited I have been about this whole thing, even though I've been desperately trying not to get my hopes up. And I convince myself that it's not going to happen and that I shouldn't have ever allowed myself to hope it would. And then I try to convince myself that it's fine, that if she decided to parent, that's great. Which it really would be (honest!) even if we were disappointed because we don't get to parent.

And then, yesterday, I received a message from K. Everything is fine! There was a bit of a miscommunication - the baby isn't full term yet, but when he is full term, they expect him to be 9lbs. So we aren't quite to the countdown yet. She said she is feeling good and they are looking forward to seeing us again very soon. She even mentioned that she was calling the agency because they had left her several messages.

This is such a surreal experience.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Chicago Update

Spoke with K. last night. She did see a doctor again (Yay!) and things look great. He's got a strong heartbeat and the doctor has pronounced him full term, even though her originally due date was June 19.

She is getting nervous - the baby is already measuring just under nine pounds. Poor thing! I really hope she doesn't have too hard a time of it.

Thursday, June 07, 2007


That's what this post will be a - a little bit of everything.

First on the intensely angry front. I spoke with Baby Bear's grandma today because I needed her mailing address. This weekend I did something I've been needing to for a long time. I went through the mountain of pictures of Baby Bear and pulled out his early pictures for his mom and dad. Of course, I kept some for PB and I, but they didn't have any of his hospital pics or any of the pics we had done when he was 4 weeks old. It was funny because it felt OK going through them. It felt like I was nearing closure, even though it was a really sad closure.

And then I called his grandma. Turns out his mom is not following her caseplan (despite the fact that CS is closing the case next month). She has totally dropped out of school. She has Baby Bear Tues - Thurs, Dad (well, really, his grandma) has him Fri - Mon, but half the time, she's not there when they go to drop him off. And the kicker? Grandma thinks she's pregnant again! So, Baby Bear's got a great mom, huh? So angry.

And on the Oh my goodness, what do I do?? front, Lily has decided that sleep is her arch enemy. Seriously, it's like she's Batman and blissful slumber is the evil spawn of Mr. Freeze, Penguin Man and The Joker all rolled in to one. She gets really tired, but it's like she's somehow forgotten how to go to sleep. She's not even fighting it, necessarily. I think she's having a hard time relaxing enough to drop off. Poor thing. She's mad and can't sleep and then not sleeping makes her madder and... you know the drill. Seasoned moms with tips, please help!

And on the Yay, something is going well front, things seem to be progressing nicely with the Chicago adoption situation. We continue to talk with C & K and they continue to seem pretty certain about their decision. And, K was able to get health insurance through the state which means the insane amount of money I've been able to borrow in the last four weeks will likely over all the expenses because we won't have crazy medical bills.

And finally, on the Dear God in Heaven why can we never agree on anything?? front, PB and I have been kicking around names for what we affectionately call "The Chicago Baby". As is the case with most things that can be impacted by personal preference, we don't agree. I guess we should have taken the hint when it took us two weeks to pick out a wedding invitation because each of us literally hated what the other picked out. I'll let you know when we reach a compromise we can both agree on.

I think that's it for now. Sorry about the drive by posting. I've been working like crazy and doing some extra stuff on the side to try to pay my attorney, agency, healthcare costs for Chicago, so I have 0 time. I'll try to do better, promise.