Sunday, May 27, 2007

Home... finally

At least for a few hours. So, let's see. In the past week and a half I have:

Traveled to Anaheim and back (by plane)
Traveled to Cincinnati and Louisville and back (by car)
Traveled to different city in the midwest and back (by car)
Taken my first red-eye
Met three *wonderful* bloggy friends
Reconnected with some people who were very important to my professional life
Visited Downtown Disney
Ran 12 focus group taste tests
Missed Lily like crazy
Missed PB like crazy
and... met who I think will probably be the first parents of our (hopefully, someday) adopted son.

See how I tried to sneak that in there on you? LOL. Let's go in order though. My trip to Anaheim was for a professional conference - the American Association of Public Opinion Researchers. It was a really good conference, even if it was in the middle of strip mall tourist hell. I reconnected with my former adviser, and with a fellow grad student who worked with him so it was good. The red eye, BTW sucks!

The bloggers I met were Renee (and Shana), Susan and Raechelle. I loved *all* of them. I also got to meet their great kids and share in Rae's recent good news. I can't even express how much I wish we all lived near each other. It was so cool to finally meet them in person. I am not blogging more about this or posting pictures because I know that some of them like to remain pseudo-anonymous, which I can totally understand :-)

Downtown Disney was very cool. There are lots of shops and restaurants and on a personal note, I had the realization that I was in a better place with my infertility - that is, seeinig tons of happy families with their perfect children didn't make me want to run screaming from the place.

Work is work and the taste tests were part of that. Enough said.

I miss PB and Lily like crazy - I've barely seen either of them... PB and Lily did just fine without me of course, but she is huge and . . this close to smiling.

And now, what you've probably all been waiting for. I think I mentioned at some point that we were speaking with a couple who were connected to us by PB's cousin's roommate. I had several really good phone conversations with the mom, K, and I really felt like we clicked. As in, I could imagine us having an open adoption and being perfectly comfortable with it. K is really sweet and seems to have really thought out the decision. I met her boyfriend, C, for the first time this weekend when we drove to a different city relatively near (i.e. within 6 hours)our home and met them. It was great. We all felt pretty comfortable with one another (or at least that was my impression). And we talked a lot about their decision and I got all of the rest of the info our adoption attorney needed. Both of them tell us they are really certain this is the best decision and in fact, they both expressed that finding out about us and meeting us was a huge relief because they didn't know what they were going to do. They both seem so young... I can't imagine trying to make this decision.

K actually asked me to be in the delivery room. I am not sure how I feel about that - there have been a lot of bloggers (first moms and adoptive moms alike) who say that a PAP in the hospital is too much pressure, and I would imagine a PAP in the delivery room is too much pressure to the nth degree. But C is really squeamish and has expressed he doesn't want to be there and I definitely don't want her to go through that alone. In addition, K. really wants both PB and I to be at the hospital for pretty much the duration of her stay - she says that she feels like it will be easier for the baby if he transitions from her to us. I think it comes down to my whole approach to keeping this as ethical as possible and that is doing whatever the first parents say they want us to do. If they want us to come to the hospital we will, if they don't, we won't.

My only hangup is that she hasn't told her parents yet - she suspects they know because her sisters know but they haven't actually talked about it. I told her I thought she should tell them as this could be an avenue of support for her that she hadn't explored yet. She says she isn't interested in their support and she feels like it would damage their relationship irreparably. I am clearly not going to push it as she is an adult and I don't even know her parents, and it's really none of my business. I just knew that for my own mental health I had to make the suggestion.

So, at the risk of jinxing this (which is why I haven't posted sooner) I am cautiously optimistic. I am afraid the situation at the hospital could get really weird if her family shows up and is against the adoption. I also don't know how well I will do in the delivery room if it really comes down to that and I have no idea how the logistics of travel will work out when she actually does into labor.

PB and I are off to pick up Lily from my parents - they kept her for us overnight last night while we were away.

Stay tuned for more details :-)


JUST A MOM said...

prayers and all things that can be,,, crossed.

rae said...

it was so awesome to meet you. i'm so glad i didn't chicken out (and ask renee, i tried many many times) *wink*
don't forget to send pics of lily in her new clothes.
so great to hear about your outing to meet the first parents. i'm so glad it went awesome. i knew it would.
such exciting things happening for you friend!
i'm stoked!

Robin said...

WOW! You are totally busy and how exciting for you! You be in my thoughts and my prayers...I'm so excited for you!

rae said...

okay, you need to blog. really. i need an update. *something*