Friday, April 20, 2007

Let the circus commence

So, just heard from Lily’s caseworker – he met with mom yesterday. She was apparently very strung out and is still using (by her own admission). He said he “knows she’s got two years to get her act together” but that he’s going to push her to get into treatment before then. He said she looks terrible, and he is not at all optimistic about her getting staying clean.

And in the same breath he said she will be starting visits on Thursday.

I know that this is required by law. I know that she is Lily’s mom. I know that she deserves a chance to get her life back together and get her kid back.

But I also know Lily is tiny, and she went through a lot of pain and withdrawal because her mom couldn’t manage to get clean for her while she was carrying her. I watched her in the hospital as they were weaning her down. I stayed up with her last week because she couldn’t sleep.

I guess the bottom line is that I know Lily has already been through a lot and I know that personally, I would do anything in my power to keep her from getting hurt again. I wonder if her biomom feels the same way? I wonder if it’s fair for a child to be a reason to get clean? I wonder who the system is really out to help, the kids or the parents?

I know I will get slammed for this. I know this is what I signed up for. But it’s still hard to deal with while it’s happening.

6 comments:

Dream Mommy said...

I totally understand how you feel. All that Princess' mom put her through, she would have started visits with her when she was released from the hospital if she had not been arrested again.

Hang in there. It sucks. Don't listen to the line, "that's what you signed up for." I hate hearing that. Sometimes I just want people to understand how I feel.

Away2me said...

"Knows she has two years to get her act together". Ugh! So the poor kids have to be in limbo for two years before drug addicts get clean. Give me a break. Nobody signs up for this, especially not the poor baby who has already been through a rough time. I hate the foster system. It is broken and the ones who get hurt are the very ones society is supposed to protect. I hope someone can talk some sense into that women to do the right thing and either get clean and in a program YESTERDAY or terminate her parental rights and give the child a chance at a normal stable life. Makes me mad when kids suffer! Sorry for the vent!!!

MJ said...

2 yrs seems excessive. It just doesnt seem fair to the people giving their hearts and homes(foster parents) to the kids and most certainely not to the baby who will bond with you. Ugh, not much else to say.

Susan said...

In what universe does she have 2 years to get straight? There is a federal mandate in the US that children under 5 are PLACED in their permanency plan (permanent home)by the 12-month review. It can be extended to 18 months if reunification is highly probably or imminent. If she has not made substantial progress with her case plan at the six-month review, they are supposed to set a hearing to terminate services (first step toward terminating rights) in 120 days.

OK...about the visits, you have a pretty good chance that mom won't show or at last won't keep showing up. If you have any say in it, set them in a location where she has to make some effort to get to them. I don't mean make it difficult for her, but don't bring the baby to her. Meet her at the library or Starbucks halfway between you. Very often I have seen parents get more and more contact because they "show up" for visits that take place at their home or treatment center. As soon as they have to actually do anything, they fall apart. Let her fall apart sooner rather than later. Oh yeah. You already know this, but be very careful about giving her any personal information, even about things like your parenting style or where the baby sleeps. If she decides to make some accusation later, the less actual information she has about you the less credible it will be.

Robin said...

Doesn't it kill you that this woman who as far as I'm concerned abused her child can get her back!! I am adopted and I think it was ridiculous that my bio parents who abandoned me had two years to come back and claim me! Sorry if that sounds harsh but that’s how I feel.

JUST A MOM said...

The system trys to say it is looking for hte childs best interest. BUT at he same time the bio parents has (sadly enough) their own rights. They are given many chances to do the "case plan" BUT the child in the end does seem to be the one who pays. I can only tell you that your love and hugs will over compensate for mom's not so good visits. Remember that you have her way more then the bio mom has time to visit. Hang in there. You are in my thoughts.