Tuesday, February 06, 2007

More on family (chosen and otherwise)

Publishing my last post really made me think about how absolutely lucky I am. Lately, I have been really caught up in the negative emotion and depression that came with our "loss" of Baby Bear. But, there are a lot of wonderful people in my life, and I am surrounded by support. In that spirit, and despite the fact that Thanksgiving was like 4 months ago, may I present:

People I am Thankful For

M & L - See yesterday's post

My mom and dad - My parents have been incredibly supportive of... well... everything I've ever done. Seriously, you can't ask for a more nauseatingly normal or functional upbringing than the one I had. I always felt like I could do or be whatever I wanted to, and I always, always knew my sister and I were their number one priority. They were amazingly open to Baby Bear, so much so that they hurt as much as we did when he left. They were overwhelmingly generous with Bebe. They are the kind of parents I hope that PB and I can be. Someday.

R. - Through all of this infertility and foster to adopt stuff, R. has been the most supportive of all of my chosen family. I don't think she realizes how much I appreciate her understanding, acceptance and frank discussions of all the messed up sitations PB and I have found ourselves in lately. She and M. are always there when we need to just be normal and not think about all of this crap for a while. But they're also always there when we do need to think, and talk... and talk... and talk... about it. R. is especially meaningful to me because she doesn't judge me for the decisions I've made (and remade and revisited) in this domain, and she doesn't try to draw parallels between this situation and anything else. She just wants to be there, for whatever. Plus, she and M. do put up with my family and their (good natured, but sometimes harsh) ribbing of them. And again, I'm not just saying this because she reads my blog, or because of a post she recently made about friends on her blog. *

A. - A has been my friend (we realized with horror this weekend) for nearly 12 years now. Even though she is incredibly busy with her own family and her two beautiful little girls, she still takes time out to check on me. And she has even offered to be a surrogate mom for us. I find this offer incredibly touching because I'm pretty sure that I would have a hard time offering to be pregnant and have a surgery for anyone (both of A.'s babies were delivered by c-section).

My sister - I am shocked that I am talking about my sister like this because if you had asked me about it five years ago, I would have told you that we would never be close. But we are now. Like my parents, she has been amazing through all of this, making the hour-long drive to our place countless times, being as excited about Baby Bear as we were, fully embracing her role as aunt. Even though I would never have chosen my sister has a friend, I'm actually pretty glad that we were assigned to one another as family. LOL.

And, of course, PB - What can I say? Well, anything I want since he doesn't read my blog, but you know what I mean. I literally do not know how I would have survived the last few years without my husband, which makes me more than a little nervous to admit. I am more the independent type, and I like to think I can stand on my own two feet. PB is a sweet, sweet man. He is wickedly funny, and ridiculously patient with me. And even though I knew all of this before, being married to PB has made me keenly aware of the extent of his character - of just how much of all of these things he is. And he still surprises me. I always knew he would be a good dad - it was myself I was worried about. What I didn't know was that when he became a dad, I would see a whole new side of him, one that was self-sacrificing and fiercely protective, gentle and vulnerable... even if we never get another placement and we never end up with children, the experience has been worth it just to discover this about him.

Whew! Glad that is out of my system. As most of the people who know me irl will tell you, I'm really not as sappy as I appear here... I needed to post this to remind myself how good I've got it.

*Though I must admit her post was the inspiration for me to revisit yesterday's post and draft this one.


TeamWinks said...

It always feels wonderful to recognize and appreciate those who are there to love and support you. It sounds like you know that life is short!

Anonymous said...

Awww. That was very sweet. However, you know I have a low tolerance for nice... come on, bring back the snark!

Just kidding. As always, do and say and feel as you like.