Monday, February 19, 2007


We saw BeBe tonight... very briefly. It was strange - I talked to her mom last night because I still had the boots we bought with her voucher. As an aside, wouldn't you know the one thing I forgot was the most essential item ever given the weather around here?

Anyway, I told her that I could come by with the boots around 5:30 or 5:45 after work and that I was looking forward to seeing her and BeBe again. We got there at about 5:40 and the visit went something like this:

Knock, knock.

No answer.

Knock, knock.

Mom: Who is it?

Us: It's Amanda and PB.

Mom: Oh. I'll be there in a minute.

Several minutes later.

Mom: Hi.

Us: Hey, how are you doing.

Mom: Good.

Then she goes back upstairs and gets the baby who is completely bundled up, and clearly ready to go out. We stand there awkwardly. BeBe comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. Just looks at us. We all stand there awkwardly. Mom tells BeBe to put on her coat. I ask BeBe how she's doing, I told her I heard that she was being a big help to her mom. She looks at me and nods. Then she says, "I love my mommy." I told her I knew that and I was excited for her to be home. I gave her a big hug and then Mom said again, "Get your coat on."

Apparently they were going to the laundromat. As we left, BeBe kept looking back at us, like she wanted to say something, but shew didn't. I don't think I'm doing justice to how weird and awkward this situation was. We left shaking our heads, wondering what's going on. I mean, I thought we had a good relationship with Mom and I was really looking forward to seeing both of them again. I don't usually misjudge people and situations so totally.

In the end, I told P.B. I guess we just have to learn to move on to the next one. He just shook his head and looked out the car window.


Susan said...

I wonder if she is feeling a little threatened still. Maybe needs to have some ownership? I relly don't know. You might call the worker just to see how things are going.

TeamWinks said...

Sounds like mom is a bit insecure and coaching her. I'm sorry it was so awkward.

Renee, said...

I had a "great" relationship with our fosterson D's mom. While I had him mom and I talked everyday and she begged me to continue a relationship with her after D went home to her. She called baout 3times ater he was RU and it always felt odd to me. *I* choose not to presue a relationship with her further because I felt like she deserved to leave that time in her life behind her and move forward.

I am sorry it was uncomfortable, I could picture it perfectly from your post and felt the awkwardness with you.

Ring phone, ring!

Yondalla said...

I can picture it too.

We just don't have any good models for what a relationship between birth parents and previous foster parents should look like.

She probably was afraid you were there to check up on her and wanted to have an excuse not to invite you in. Not because she was hiding anything, but just because she didn't want to be examined by you.

FosterMommy said...

Sounds nice and uncomfortable for all involved. Ick.
Well, at least BeBe has her boots.

We see Niblet's parents regularly, and we hardly ever exchange more than 3 or 4 words between us. We've come to the conclusion that they're just very shy. They obviously like us well enough, as they made us her godparents and want us to see her and all, but it's still very uncomfortable to interact with them. and they've never invited us into their apartment. Not that I think they should or anything, but it's just another piece of the weirdness that is foster care!

Robin said...

I'm so sorry, that encounter had to hurt.

Amanda said...

Thanks for all the comments. I suspect she was feeling evaluated (which of course, was never our intention).

I also think BeBe might have wanted to come back at first. Mom let her call us about 2 days after she left and she asked to come to my place. Then I called back about a week later, and BeBe said, I don't want to come to your house no more, I want to stay with Mommy.

So maybe that's the deal. Sigh. Wish ethere was a model for this, as Yondalla suggested.