Friday, January 19, 2007

I got nothing.

Nothing interesting to say. One of those weeks that is just blah, you know? I do have more good news on the BeBe front. Her social worker finally made her first "weekly" visit (yeah, 3 weeks after her placement) and PB tells me she was *very* impressed with how well BeBe is doing. Yay! Outside confirmation that we aren't actively messing up. Whoo-hoo! Also, she is pretty certain that BeBe will be reunited with mom at the end of January, and it feels nice to be glad for both of them that that will happen.

Thanks much for all the adoption reccs! I should have a flurry of paperwork coming to me in the mail shortly. It kind of feels good to be *doing* something. You know an illusion of control and all that jazz.

I have to admit that even though the homestudy and training process was tedious and full of tree killing paperwork, at least there were concrete tasks to accomplish. Although anyone who knows me know that my house is normally a mess, as is my car and my desk at work, I love me some to-do lists. And, if our foster parent preparation wasn't actually good at preparing us for fostering, it did give me many gratifying moments of crossing things off.


toastnjam said...

Thank you for the comment you left on my blog. It is so reassuring to hear from others who have chosen this path. I wish you the best on your quest for mommyhood! And I hope you don't mind if I keep checking in!

Amanda said...

I can't wait to be at the point that I'm filling out tree-killing paperwork... Like you, I need something concrete, it keeps me focused.

TeamWinks said...

I am currently killing trees at a rapid rate!

Lisa said...

I wanted to respond to your thoughtful comment on another blog (re: the posting about emergency shelters):

Yep, kids are smart. They know when a placement is tenuous, whether it's a foster home or an emergency shelter which is tenuous by its very nature.

But, Amanda, I will say that as a kid, I was also smart enough to know that my "houseparents" at the group home were being paid to take care of me. I knew that this was their job.

Many of them had children of their own. I knew that they loved their real children. I knew that they didn't love me.

Good foster parents matter. If all foster parents cared as much as you, there would be less emotional damage to children (and less newspaper articles for me to blog about).

You are "real family" just by caring and taking the child into your home. When you treat a child like he or she matters.

I remember people who were kind to me when I was in foster care. And during the times when I experienced abuse, when I contemplated the reason for my existence, their faces were the ones who came into my mind.

For older teens who are hard to place, a group home (if it truly does provide adult living skills) might work.

For children with disabilities, a group home might be better than "collector families" (who often end up in the news, like the Gravelles who housed many of their 11 adopted children in cages).

But please, Amanda, do not doubt that you matter. Have you ever seen Victor Hugo's "Les Miserables?" (the musical version)

There's a song that says: "To love another person is to see the face of God."

Regardless of your belief system, please know that when a foster child lies in bed at night and wonders why they are even alive, your face might be the face that helps them realize that they are valuable, loveable and worth something.

Amanda said...

Wow! Thanks so much for the feedback, Lisa. Group homes are not something I have personal experience with, I just see the huge issues our agency has in placing children, combined with the difficulties I know that most foster parents face when it comes to deciding cases (specifically, reunification versus adoption versus long-term foster care) and the ramifications that those decisions have both for children and foster parents.

I am glad to know that we might actually be making a difference. It's easy to start to feel discouraged in the face of so many children who need homes and it's easy to feel powerless in the face of such a huge bureacracy. Thanks for reminding me of some of the best advice I've ever heard: Tend your own little garden, that's all you can do.