Thursday, December 28, 2006

What to do?

BeBe is still with us. She is still going strong... we, on the other hand, may be dangerously close to being in over our heads.

BeBe is generally a nice child. However, we have found a disturbing tendency to pick on things smaller than her. Like our dog. And other kids. This is coupled with a sneakiness that we didn't necessarily pick up on in the beginning. Like doing something she knows she shouldn't and then looking over her shoulder to see if we're watching.

She had a particularly bad day yesterday, brought on (I think) by the fact that we took her to the hospital to see her mom and her new baby sister, who was born on Christmas Day. And before you ask, no we will not be bringing said sister home for two reasons 1) Mom is taking her home and 2) We could not handle an infant on top of BeBe.

So back to yesterday. I took her over to our fostermom friend (J) who watched Baby Bear for us, planning to stay there for a while and then leave and work from home. A sort of trial day because I was concerned about how well she would fit in there - BeBe needs constant supervision and redirection and J has a two-year old and a 7-month old. She was fine while I was there with her - was not even freaked out by J's dog, who is much bigger than ours and seemed to be playing well with J's 2-year old daughter (G).

Apparently that all ended when I left.

J repeatedly had to redirect BeBe from the knives in her kitchen and later BeBe "stabbed" at the dog with a fake knife. She also was picking on both G and the 7-month-old (K) to the point that G. retreated to the couch and J had to hold K to keep her safe. If J. weren't an experienced foster parent (with several 2,3, and 4 year old placements under her belt) I might not think too much of this. But, she called me after only about an hour and a half to come pick her up and said that she didn't think it would work for her to watch BeBe in the long run.

So yesterday, when I was supposed to be working from home, I was instead scrambling to find a new daycare arrangement for BeBe. I managed to locate a nursery school with an opening for 4 days per week and PB and I are still trying to determine what to do on Thursdays. I'm also a little nervous that she might get kicked out of this school. If that happens I'm not sure what we'll do. I've placed a call to my social worker, which I hoped I would never have to make, to let her know that if I can't find appropriate care for BeBe we might have disrupt the placement. I really don't want to, but I also really don't want to lose my job and burn all of my vacation trying to care for BeBe.

However, this all could be a moot point. Biomom seems to think that BeBe will be back with her relatively quickly, assuming she follows through on the caseplan which includes a restraining order against her boyfriend and some anger management classes. I worry about her ability to handle both BeBe and a newborn full-time. I'm afraid that might be setting her up for failure.

We'll see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed for us (and BeBe and biomom!)


Renee said...

Oh goodness.... it does sound like she is a handful. Did she have a hard time leaving the visit with bmom? You mentioned she had never been away from her, do you think perhaps she thinks that if she causes enough trouble she will get "sent back"? Sounds like she is really testing her limits either way, stay strong and consistant and keep us posted!

Amanda said...

I don't know... she is really ambivalent toward her biomom, kind of classic insecure attachment - angry at her most of the time. Sad about being away from her only at nighttime.

We're trying really hard to be firm. We've discovered that being nice doesn't really work too well with her - she's a bit manupulative, so I have gotten good at using a stern voice (unfortunately!)

Maerlowe said...

Sounds familiar. I am very quiet when it comes to talking about Huckle, I suppose, as I don't want to make a big deal out of something that is considered normal by experienced parents. We've been told that all the "wierd" behavior he displays (which is very similar to Bebe's, btw) is normal kid behavior... so we just try to roll with it. But we're having a hard time, too, I guess is what I wanted to say.