7 weeks and counting...

Warning: If you are still in the throes of wanting desperately to adopt from foster care (like I was, oh, a year ago), this post might piss you off.

So, it's been 7 weeks since Brooklyn's mom has been in touch. I'm so sad for her. And so scared for us, and the decision that we could / might / may / probably will have to make about her long term future.

Don't get me wrong, we love her to do death and if there were no other factors to consider but her, we would be more than happy to adopt her. But there are external constraints now. Like my other two daughters, and the prospect of raising three children (three GIRL children) that are less than 15 months apart. Logistically this will get easier with time. All three are walking and 1.5 kids are out of diapers which has made a big difference. But in the long term, I just keep thinking how EXPENSIVE it will be - to have three girls who all need prom dresses or three college tuition bills... the list goes on and on.

And I also wonder about having Lucy and Brooklyn in the same grade at school. That seems weird, since they're not twins. Oh yeah, and the fact that we wanted to foster for a while before adopting again, which probably, realistically, won't be possible because I don't think we'd want to try four for a long, long time. I don't know.

Anyway, that's what my head has been spinning around lately. Any of you out there have kids who are very close in age and have any thoughts?

Anybody still out there?

If so, I'm sorry.

This is the longest I've gone without posting since I started my blog. I guess I could attribute it to 1) the added chaos of a third child - I mean really, who knew? 2) the added chaos of my job which is getting crazier by the second - Again, really, who knew? and 3) the holidays - during which time i visited a lot, got to hang out with two of my dearest friends a little and did not mail the cards and pictures I bought. Awesome.

So, where were we? Let's just do updates, shall we?

Me: I recovered from the big horrible, bad work fuck up. Mostly. Am paranoid as shit about doing it again, which is probably a good thing. Have been converted to a believe in better living through chemistry. Ahem. And am settling into a groove, I think.

PB: Great, laid back and uber-supportive. An all around too good partner that I don't really deserve but who makes me believe in karma. As in I did something amazingly good to deserve getting him this go around.


Lily: Also, great. Almost three!!! Very busy. She loves tumbling, the new indoor trampoline and princesses, all things princess.

Lucy: Yeah, I'll go with great here as well. Almost two, talking like mad. I don't even know how I got two kids who are so freaking verbal (and the fact that PB has to live with us and my aforementioned belief karma make me wonder what the hell he did in a former life, but I digress). She just learned how to crawl out of her crib last Thursday - and we knew this because she knocked on our bedroom door, said "I wake" and when I answered the door, she beamed at me and said "I outta my cib momma". Yeah, pretty adorable.

Brooklyn: Also great. Has made tremendous strides in the last 3.5 months and we're SO proud of her. She's walking, trying really hard to talk without too much success, has gained pounds and is beginning to throw some serious tantrums. Which pretty much sucks, but I think it ultimately actually a good sign.

As for Brooklyn's case, well, her mom had been pretty consistent about visiting, and even had me halfway convinced for a while that it was a big misunderstanding. Turns out not so much. Let's put it mildly by saying she has made some really terrible life decisions in the last month and hasn't seen Brooklyn at all during that time. Really not sure where this case is headed, but pretty sure we might be facing a major decision in the next year. One that, honestly, I'm not that excited about making.

So what about you? If there is a you to speak of anymore?

Update on Brooklyn

So for anyone who was curious, here's where we stand.

Brooklyn is doing *really* well. She just started walking earlier this week(Monday to be exact) - still a little shaky, but we've seen pretty rapid improvements in muscle tone which is what I think is allowing her to even try to walk - her arms and legs were really weak, but she's starting to bulk up - in more ways that one. She's gained another pound, and eats like a champ.

Thankfully, she has settled in nicely - she goes to everyone in our family now, and really doesn't even have a preference for me at this point. She and Lily get along pretty well, and she and Lucy still butt heads - a combination of jealousy because they are so close to the same age and differing needs for physical space (Lucy = none and Brooklyn = lots).

We're not seeing much in the language department - still no really recognizable words on a consistent basis, though she babbles a lot. She says no, but it doesn't mean no. And she doesn't say mama or dada either. This is my biggest area of concern for her - our Help.Me.Grow coordinator will be out today so maybe they will have some suggestions.

I might be overreacting too, because my girls were both EARLY talkers. Lucy, who is exactly four months older than her is already using SENTENCES, so that makes me more nervous for Brooklyn. I think she might still technically be just below the low range for normal, and she's definitely more interested in communicating now, which is good.

Brooklyn's mom is hit or miss. She didn't show up (or call) for yesterday's visit, despite the fact that it's been pushed back a 1/2 hour later in the morning and that we have court on Monday. The worker will be filing for TCC, which means (as we suspected) she will likely be staying around for a while.

I really go back and forth on this case. Brooklyn was clearly being neglected - not severely enough that she won't recover, but badly enough that she needed medical treatment. But to talk to her mom, it seems like she really loves her and wants to get her back. Which is inconsistent in its own right, since it doesn't seem like there's anything wrong with Mom that would explain the condition Brooklyn was in. And, she almost never manages to make it to her visit on time... She's been so late (i.e. more than 15 minutes) that we left twice now - well, actually three times but the people at the visit center called us 10 minutes before the visit time ended to bring her back on one memorable night. She was so late that PB had Brooklyn in the car and leaving another time, and I waited 45 minutes for her boyfriend to get there for one visit. Now yesterday, it's a no-call, no show? What's up with that?

I would crawl through glass to see my kids if I was getting a total of four hours a week with them. But the missing the visits isn't even my biggest issue. It's that NOTHING is EVER her fault. The bus took her to the wrong place, or the taxi didn't come when it was scheduled, etc, etc ad infinitum. This is the first parent I've had who hasn't been willing to take ANY responsibility (either for the situation that got their kid into care or for their own behavior during the case). And I think it's harder too, because she's not young - she's old enough to know better, and still acting like a 12-year-old.

So in short, I am working on finding empathy. I am loving the hell out of Brooklyn, and doing everything I can to get services in place so someone is tracking her when she goes home.

And I am in complete denial that Christmas is already almost upon us.

Two firsts

Last night:

For the first time, Lucy told me (in a totally unsolicited fashion) that she loves me.

Lily answered the phone and carried on a 10-minute long conversation with my mom without me even knowing it :-)

I may have to finally just give in

and admit that I am overcommitted, stressed and generally low in the mental reserves right now.

That doesn't happen often, my friends. But it seems to have happened in a big way this time. After working about 70 hours last week (including two all nighters) I *barely* completed a big project on time.

Only to find out today that I fucked it up. Big time.

This is not something I typically do. I am sick to my stomach about telling our client. And I'm pissed that I busted my ass for two freaking weeks to fail in the end anyway. Fuck me.

Drive By Linky Type Post

I am a big Disney hypocrite. I detest the Disney princesses and most Disney movies, yet I have this unbelievable desire to take my kids to Disney World. Doesn't make any sense, does it? But I LOVED Disney World when I was little and I think Lily would love it to.

Anyway, here is aforementioned link from sociological images

Princess Link

Questions to ask when you get a placement call

Crayon just posted a comment asking for advice on what to ask during a placement call... I think I remember someone else writing a post about this, but I couldn't find it with a cursory glance, so I'll try to cobble something together.

I should preface this by saying, I am a sucker for placement calls. I have a *really* hard time turning down placements, unless they are something we're clearly not equipped to handle (like large sibling groups, or massive medical needs). But, when I manage to take a step back and think, here are some things I normally ask:

1. Has the child been in care before?
2. Does the child have siblings? Are they in care and if so, with who (i.e. a foster parent, or a relative or what)?
3. Are there any known medical issues? Any known issues with food?
4. Is there any indication that the child could be violent with other children, family pets, etc...
5. If the case is drug related, I ask if the parents have a history of substance abuse and if so, how long.

And that's really about it. Like I said, I am a sucker. I don't even always ask all of these questions, obviously some of them don't apply to younger kids and sometimes they don't apply to every situation.

So, chime in here... what other questions do you ask when you get a placement call?